Once upon a time The Food Lady had 4 dogs and a horrible, awful, garburator set of walking jaws attached to a fluffy, chubby body.
One morning, after she’d had her breakfast of coffee, and her pets had their breakfast of yummy turkey and yogurt, The Food Lady put her boots on over her pajamas and took her 4 dogs and the HAGSOWJATAFCB for a walk in the jungle of her 10 acre property.
As she played throw-the-stick with her dogs, she saw a crow pluck a little bird from a nest in a tree and drop send it hurtling to the ground. “Oh dear” she said to herself.
The HAGSOWJATAFCB saw it too.
“Oh shit,” The Food Lady said to herself.
She tried to outrun the HAGSOWJATAFCB to the baby bird, but she had only two legs and was wearing gumboots. The HAGSOWJATAFCB had 4 legs, and was free of rubbery footwear and got there first.
“Leave it, leave it! NO NO NO! Drop it! Cookie?” she screeched as she flopped and stumbled toward the baby bird.
The Food Lady scooped up the trembling bundle of shit-encrusted feathers, because she is kind hearted like that, and decided she would carry it away somewhere to safety. Except that within seconds of scooping the baby birdie into her hand, a migration of bird lice started walking off of Mr. Shit Feathers and up her arm.
and ran flopping and stumbling to the nearest horse trough to scrub off her hand, arm and for good measure, face.
The dogs kept a vigil on the windowsill bird.
As she scrubbed herself – hopefully – free of bird lice, the windowsill bird made a break for it. Except the windowsill bird is stupid, and probably too covered in shit and lice to fly, so it just landed in pretty much exactly the same place as it was before.
But the HAGSOWJATAFCB picked up his little “friend,” which he had dubbed Second breakfast.
The Food Lady thought “Well, I guess it’s better than being pecked to death by a crow” and scrubbed her arms in the stocktank again.
But the Food Lady had to go have a boiling hot shower and wash all her clothes.
We hope you enjoyed our little Monday story.
The Food Lady now has to go have another shower.