Well, That Was Awkward

Happy 2017!

I got stuck on a hill coming home from the grocery store today.  On New years Eve my party plans were ruined when it decided to dump another almost-foot of snow on us out here in the sticks.  Seriously – I live in a temperate rainforest FOR A REASON.  Why does it keep snowing?  So I got snowed in with the dogs.  After it snowed, rather than getting warm and washing the snow away as per usual, the temperature instead dropped.  Right now it claims to be 1 degree outside, but we have an arctic outflow that with windchill makes it like -10.  So all that snow FROZE and for reasons known only to city officials, snow plows and salters use our neighbourhood to go salt and plow other neighbourhoods, but do nothing to ours en route.  As such, the one road leading in and out to the main routes (and it has a big hilly dip in the middle of it) is basically inches and inches of solid ice.  I’ve been snowed/iced in since the 30th and desperately needed groceries so today I risked the road to go run errands.  I made it out onto the main route and was literally shaking by the time I got there, it was so harrowing.  But coming home was worse – as I turned onto our street from the main road, a car coming up the intersection couldn’t stop on the ice and plowed into another car driving down the main road.  I stopped to see if they needed help, but it was a low impact collision and everyone was cool (though annoyed AF, obviously).  I then made my treacherous way down the hilly dip but part way back up the other side I started to slide backward … and slide, and slide … thankfully there was nobody behind me and I eventually came to rest on the side of the road (but not IN the ditch, thankfully, as I was basically in someone’s driveway).

Some people get a shiny knight on a white horse to their rescue.  I got a farmer in a tractor from the farm two doors down from me.  He towed me over the crest of the hill and I inched my way the remaining two blocks home at 7 KM/H in first gear.  My teeth have finally stopped chattering and I have managed to scrub the frozen tears off my cheeks.  It was so scary.

I am going to miss my neighbourhood so very much, they are such good people here :(

The plus side of the snow is that the dogs really enjoy it* though they seem a bit mystified about where it keeps coming from.

(*Addy exempted from above statement)

Here’s Wootie enjoying the icesnow pack from the 30th:

And here’s Wootie wondering what the f*ck happened to the earth after the second dump on the 1st.

Here’s Spring levitating over the icy ground from before New Year’s (notice “greenery” clearly visible in background):

And here she is bounding through the snowdrifts on New Year’s Day (notice nothing visible in background except more snow):

Look!  You can see the ground!  You can also see a bad TWooie hunting on the neighbour’s property.

Now – nothing but Winter in the snow.

Speaking of Winter … this is the face of a dog in the midst of an existential crisis that only a man could experience.

Namely, Peetie is in season right now and has decided that Winter is her chosen mate. Winter The Giant Penis (interpret as you wish) is neutered, but that doesn’t stop him from thinking impure thoughts.  He does not like Peetie, as he finds her (as we all do) annoying and persistently pesty, but he is also a horndog – which means he growls at her when she butt-flirts with him and then he furiously humps her, and then he’s angry at both her and himself for what he’s done.  Wash, rinse and repeat several times a day.

I hate myself.  Moar sexy times pleaze.

His self loathing may come from two places;

1) Dexter was her Numero Uno choice.  Dexter obliged.  The naughty dogs started to tie, Peetie lost her nerve and started crying, Dexter ran away and is now terrified of Peetie.

HELP ME, I’M CONFUSED!

2) Peetie is a slut, and is flirting with everyone and everything that will engage her and if Winter won’t get it done, she figures someone else will.  I caught Wootie giving her sexy ears this morning and doing a little tap dance for her (which reaffirms my belief that Wootie is not, in fact, a dog, but rather a species of exotic bird).  But most amazingly, she has charmed TWooie into thinking he might have a shot at some sweet, ermm, lady bits.

I thought TWooie was asexual, so this has been entertaining.  He is practically doing cartwheels to get her attention.

Who am I becoming?

Meanwhile, this tiny dog (in her coyote vest for safety, and sweater for warmth) is enjoying the snow endlessly.

Because the snow has flattened a lot of the scrub on the property, visibility is a helluva lot better, so she is allowed to explore more places as I can see there are no carnivorous dangers lurking unseen behind bushes.

The other tiny dog is a miserable shivering collection of bone and skin and wishing she had never left sunny California for this freezing cold god awful climate.  She is not wearing her coyote vest because I can’t put her in my jacket when she’s wearing it, and she spends 99.981% of our walks in my coat.  She basically leave the comfort of my clothes long enough to poop (for which I am very grateful) . No amount of sweaters and body suits can keep her warm, poor thing.

This dog likes the snow so much that she goes out in it to “pee” late at night, then suddenly loses her hearing and refuses to hear me calling her to come back inside and I have to put on boots and a coat over my pajamas and go retrieve her.  Good thing I built a fence, or I might lose her forever!

I’m glad the dogs are having fun in said snow…

Because this weekend we are supposed to get another 25 cms of the freaking stuff (that’s 10 more inches to you Americans).  On top of the foot or so we already have.  That’s gonna be just FREAKING AWESOME.

NOT.

More snow?  Yay!

One year I bought snow tires for my van, and four weeks later somebody totaled my van, and it didn’t even snow that year.  It hasn’t seriously snowed since (just smatterings here and there that last for a day or two and then melt), and thus I haven’t gotten snow tires since.  I am deeply regretting not having them this year.  I’d pimp Peetie out for some!  This kind of weather is so unprecedented.

So far, absolutely nothing even close to resembling something affordable that is dog friendly has come up for rental possibilities, so I guess the silver lining is at least I’m not missing potential homes because I can’t get out to go see them?  (I’m reaching here).  The landlords’ realtor and the buyer’s realtor came up with a one-year lease rental option for all of us (landlord included) but when they approached the buyer, the buyer nixed it – doesn’t want any of us here.  So there is 100% no possibility of any of us staying past the end of February.  I’m trying not to panic.  Even though this place has caused me some serious grief over the years, I’m still going to miss my home a lot :(

I’ll be sad to leave it.  After all, it’s where I am going to bury Peetie’s body after I throttle her for pestering me to go outside to play in the icefridge world.

This photo is from December 12th.  That’s a long time for us to have snow!

Happy New Year, I guess.  (insert New Year’s equivalent of “bah Humbug” here)