dogs in clothes

A Real Snow Day

February 23, 2018 By The Food Lady 5 Comments

It snowed soooo much and soooo hard that it was difficult to take photos because the camera couldn’t find my subjects through the blizzard.

Addy is so over it before it even began. She wouldn’t come out of the barn.

This is the face of a be-sweatered and be-snooded skinny little dog who hates me for taking her out of sunny Southern California, I’m pretty sure.

I’m not sure the WooTWoo were all that much happier, because they have all the hair and they get all the snowballs. So they don’t appreciate being made to pose in the snowfall.

And then there’s Silly.

That right there is an “OMGOMGYAY!” face if ever I saw one.

In rather sharp contrast to the “I will kill you in your sleep” face that Spring is currently sporting.

Maybe it’s the sweater. Which she managed to take off, and which I promptly put back on her again right before I took this photo.

And since I was pissing off dogs, I decided I may as well piss all of them off by making them sit in the doorway of the barn so I could get this photo. In for a penny, etc.

Addy is conspicuously missing, because she was inside the barn with me and never leaving unless tucked inside my coat. Silly was off somewhere else being ALL LEGS.

Actually, he was probably across the pasture barking at horses. He’s a real ass about barking at and fence running with the horses (as well as the neighbour’s super irritating german shepherd on the other side of the pasture). I’m working on getting him to call off, and that’s coming along, but now he thinks the game is to run at the horses and bark and then get called off and recall for a cookie. I tried a long line for a while, but he can still outrun me even dragging 20 feet of leash. He definitely needs some work in the recall department, as he quite an independent streak!

And Mini Mama was off having the zoomies (and losing her coat) because for a little kinda naked dog, she LOVES the snow. She can get FaeBitch to play with her when it’s snowing outside. She had a meet and greet with a potential family but they decided she was not the doggo for them. She has another one coming up, assuming I can ever get out of my driveway again with all this snow. I wish I could just keep her, I love her very much, in spite of all the goat poop she consumes.

I even managed to get a photo of Piper that I really like a lot. I may clean it up a little more and have it printed. This is how I will always remember her best – bulldog legged and wearing a slightly judgmental / slightly confused expression on her face. She’s still chuggin’ along and of course she loves the snow, so this is her happy place, even if she doesn’t really look like it is.

Anyhoo. No stories this time, just snowy photos. But if you want to, you can all think “I hope you get diarrhea” thoughts about WebJoe, because as I type this snuggled up beside my portable heater and shivering under a blanket, he’s in Hawaii posting photos on facebook about how he’s trapped on a sunny beach somewhere. Snowy Fae thinks he deserves the diarrhea.

Happy Valentine’s Day

February 15, 2018 By The Food Lady 4 Comments

Okay, so it’s not Valentine’s Day anymore. Just pretend. I’m a busy Food Lady and time gets away from me.

For Valentine’s Day this year, we got the gift of snow. Snow is apparently TWooie’s soul mate, and that’s why he’s so darned happy.

We got quite a lot of snow where I live, so I brought my camera along on our hike, thinking to get some dogs-in-snow photos, but there was hardly any snow where we hiked. It was oddly warm out, and melting faster than the ground could keep up with (my driveway was basically a swimming pool when got home) so mostly it’s just photos of dogs being mostly wet.

Check out The Silly! He’s growing so fast – he’s almost as tall as Peetie is already! And starting to look more like a dog and less like a puppy. Until he does something …well, silly.

Like when he saw his first helicopter (and I don’t mean me! I’m not a Helicopter Mom, like Auntie Fiona is!)

He’s a pretty great puppy. He’s goofy and kinda laid back, but he’s got a great work ethic and is a little bit bossy/demanding when he wants something, but he’s learning to curb that a bit. He also has a weird (kinky??) fondness for shoes, which I love a little less, but he doesn’t eat them, he just stashes them all over the house so that I am forever looking for a shoe’s mate. The funniest thing is that he *worships* Old Lady Mad Teeth(tm) and falls all over himself bowing to her and licking her when she comes in from one of her (prednisone-induced many) staggering, lost-in-a-fog pees. She, of course, “hates” him and get all pissed off, but it’s the most animation I see from her these days, so it warms my heart.

Piper is actually doing okay – better than I’d hoped after weeks of no improvement, but not as wonderful as before this latest episode. But the prednisone has made enough of a difference that I’m pleased. My vet says it is possible that she has a brain tumour, which is sad, but in a way is better – I mean, I would rather she has something tangible that will eventually lead to making a decision I cannot question, rather than just kind of falling apart for no reason, and her physical health waxing and waning, because that makes it much harder to make a decision, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, right now she seems relatively happy. The snow pleased her very much, because her whole life, her most favouritest game EVER has been for me to kick snow in her face so she can jump up and bite at it. Her front legs don’t really leave the ground anymore when we do this, but she still is thrilled. She is also – for a dog who can barely walk – remarkably able to stay on her feet when she indulges in a game of tug with one of the other dogs. I am continually shocked at just how determined she is – she NEVER loses a game of tug, even when she plays with the Grim Reaper of tugging (AKA Peetie) who will tug so fiercely that a) she nearly kills the dog on the other end of the toy and b) will actually kill toys in her quest to win the game. But she never wins against tiny 25lbs of old lady Piper dog!

Peetie herself remains resolutely annoying AF. We’ve had a couple of incidents lately of her fighting with my other dogs – she started a brawl with Winter recently, and then she decided to fight Spring (who fights terriers? Honestly). In both cases, I have no doubt that the terriers instigated it in some backhanded way … Winter was, if I recall, laying on a dog bed growling for no good reason (because Winter = weird). And Spring was standing behind me in my computer chair when the Peetie-and-Silly roiling ball of play bumped into the chair and Spring snarked at them. But the worrisome thing is that rather than just giving the offender a wide berth, which is the preferred course of action in this house (I mean, when you have this many dogs, someone is always getting snippy about their personal space) she launched at the dog and started a brawl. I DON’T find this acceptable (especially when I’m in the chair they are brawling in!). And a couple of times since I have found her side-eyeing and bristling at Spring, which I also DON’T find acceptable. As such, I have been chatting up a former adopter of mine who is potentially interested in adopting Peetie. She doesn’t have any terriers, and just one other elderly dog. It might be a good fit. It’s funny because Peetie is actually super social with other dogs 99.9% of the time and happily greets and plays with anyone new, but I just can’t have her scrapping with my terriers. I guess she’s just maturing, and maybe she isn’t cut out for a multi-dog household. And I am sure Dexter won’t miss her biting his back legs whenever he is in motion, a habit I cannot break stupid Peetie of.

Pretty, but also pretty damn annoying.

The puppy would miss her, and I would too, but only because she’s good at keeping him entertained when I’m busy ;-) The other day I gave Silly a smoked chicken foot someone gave me a package of, because he was gallumping around the house being generally irritating and there was still an hour to go before we left for hiking. Peetie wanted that smoked chicken foot REAL bad, but there’s one thing Silly is pretty firm about and that’s that One Does Not Try To Take His Food. Even FightyPeetie knows better than that. So she weighed her options after staring at him for a while, and finally decided to offer him something in trade. What Peetie finds valuable, and what other dogs find valuable, are not always the same thing … so Peetie tried to trade him the smoked foot for an empty food bowl. Worse, she tried to trade him his own empty food bowl. He may be Silly, but he’s not stupid, and he did not fall for it ;-)

Springaling is no worse for wear after her scrap with Peetie, though she was a bit extra clingy for a couple of days, because for all her terrier snark, she is a very sensitive and emo little creature. But I found her a new jacket at the thrift store, so she’s stylin’ at least.

Everyone else is pretty much as you’d expect. Dexter is getting soooo deaf now …. the other day he was napping on my bed and I walked by the bedroom, popped in to give him a smooch on the head and I startled him so bad he jerked awake and bashed me right in the nose. **stars** Also, apparently I can never, ever get a photo of him without his tongue hanging out, so I have just given up even trying.

The WooTWoo are getting old :( I always think of them as kind of ageless, but lately I have noticed that TWooie loses his footing / balance sometimes – like I bumped him with my knee the other day and he just … fell over. And Wootie is either losing his hearing, or losing his desire to bother listening to what I have to say – it’s really tough to tell which one it is. It’s very possible that in his advanced age he just doesn’t give a shit about listening to me. At least he still makes for pretty portraiture:

Whereas his brother just gives me stink eye.

Addy “my legs fell asleep!” Pants remains her delightfully naughty self :) These are her ‘THERE’S A RABBIT!!” ears, which are ridiculous.

And this is Alfie, just because I liked this photo (drool not withstanding)

I could probably blog some more (and will!) but I also have to get ready to go to work, so instead I will just leave you with this valentine’s gift of a group photo (minus Silly, who has no “stay” yet, and Piper, who was at home). But since it’s the day after Valentine’s, I’ll give it to you for 50% off ;-)

Well, That Was Awkward

January 2, 2017 By The Food Lady 5 Comments

Happy 2017!

I got stuck on a hill coming home from the grocery store today. On New years Eve my party plans were ruined when it decided to dump another almost-foot of snow on us out here in the sticks. Seriously – I live in a temperate rainforest FOR A REASON. Why does it keep snowing? So I got snowed in with the dogs. After it snowed, rather than getting warm and washing the snow away as per usual, the temperature instead dropped. Right now it claims to be 1 degree outside, but we have an arctic outflow that with windchill makes it like -10. So all that snow FROZE and for reasons known only to city officials, snow plows and salters use our neighbourhood to go salt and plow other neighbourhoods, but do nothing to ours en route. As such, the one road leading in and out to the main routes (and it has a big hilly dip in the middle of it) is basically inches and inches of solid ice. I’ve been snowed/iced in since the 30th and desperately needed groceries so today I risked the road to go run errands. I made it out onto the main route and was literally shaking by the time I got there, it was so harrowing. But coming home was worse – as I turned onto our street from the main road, a car coming up the intersection couldn’t stop on the ice and plowed into another car driving down the main road. I stopped to see if they needed help, but it was a low impact collision and everyone was cool (though annoyed AF, obviously). I then made my treacherous way down the hilly dip but part way back up the other side I started to slide backward … and slide, and slide … thankfully there was nobody behind me and I eventually came to rest on the side of the road (but not IN the ditch, thankfully, as I was basically in someone’s driveway).

Some people get a shiny knight on a white horse to their rescue. I got a farmer in a tractor from the farm two doors down from me. He towed me over the crest of the hill and I inched my way the remaining two blocks home at 7 KM/H in first gear. My teeth have finally stopped chattering and I have managed to scrub the frozen tears off my cheeks. It was so scary.

I am going to miss my neighbourhood so very much, they are such good people here :(

The plus side of the snow is that the dogs really enjoy it* though they seem a bit mystified about where it keeps coming from.

(*Addy exempted from above statement)

Here’s Wootie enjoying the icesnow pack from the 30th:

And here’s Wootie wondering what the f*ck happened to the earth after the second dump on the 1st.

Here’s Spring levitating over the icy ground from before New Year’s (notice “greenery” clearly visible in background):

And here she is bounding through the snowdrifts on New Year’s Day (notice nothing visible in background except more snow):

Look! You can see the ground! You can also see a bad TWooie hunting on the neighbour’s property.

Now – nothing but Winter in the snow.

Speaking of Winter … this is the face of a dog in the midst of an existential crisis that only a man could experience.

Namely, Peetie is in season right now and has decided that Winter is her chosen mate. Winter The Giant Penis (interpret as you wish) is neutered, but that doesn’t stop him from thinking impure thoughts. He does not like Peetie, as he finds her (as we all do) annoying and persistently pesty, but he is also a horndog – which means he growls at her when she butt-flirts with him and then he furiously humps her, and then he’s angry at both her and himself for what he’s done. Wash, rinse and repeat several times a day.

I hate myself. Moar sexy times pleaze.

His self loathing may come from two places;

1) Dexter was her Numero Uno choice. Dexter obliged. The naughty dogs started to tie, Peetie lost her nerve and started crying, Dexter ran away and is now terrified of Peetie.

HELP ME, I’M CONFUSED!

2) Peetie is a slut, and is flirting with everyone and everything that will engage her and if Winter won’t get it done, she figures someone else will. I caught Wootie giving her sexy ears this morning and doing a little tap dance for her (which reaffirms my belief that Wootie is not, in fact, a dog, but rather a species of exotic bird). But most amazingly, she has charmed TWooie into thinking he might have a shot at some sweet, ermm, lady bits.

I thought TWooie was asexual, so this has been entertaining. He is practically doing cartwheels to get her attention.

Who am I becoming?

Meanwhile, this tiny dog (in her coyote vest for safety, and sweater for warmth) is enjoying the snow endlessly.

Because the snow has flattened a lot of the scrub on the property, visibility is a helluva lot better, so she is allowed to explore more places as I can see there are no carnivorous dangers lurking unseen behind bushes.

The other tiny dog is a miserable shivering collection of bone and skin and wishing she had never left sunny California for this freezing cold god awful climate. She is not wearing her coyote vest because I can’t put her in my jacket when she’s wearing it, and she spends 99.981% of our walks in my coat. She basically leave the comfort of my clothes long enough to poop (for which I am very grateful) . No amount of sweaters and body suits can keep her warm, poor thing.

This dog likes the snow so much that she goes out in it to “pee” late at night, then suddenly loses her hearing and refuses to hear me calling her to come back inside and I have to put on boots and a coat over my pajamas and go retrieve her. Good thing I built a fence, or I might lose her forever!

I’m glad the dogs are having fun in said snow…

Because this weekend we are supposed to get another 25 cms of the freaking stuff (that’s 10 more inches to you Americans). On top of the foot or so we already have. That’s gonna be just FREAKING AWESOME.

NOT.

More snow? Yay!

One year I bought snow tires for my van, and four weeks later somebody totaled my van, and it didn’t even snow that year. It hasn’t seriously snowed since (just smatterings here and there that last for a day or two and then melt), and thus I haven’t gotten snow tires since. I am deeply regretting not having them this year. I’d pimp Peetie out for some! This kind of weather is so unprecedented.

So far, absolutely nothing even close to resembling something affordable that is dog friendly has come up for rental possibilities, so I guess the silver lining is at least I’m not missing potential homes because I can’t get out to go see them? (I’m reaching here). The landlords’ realtor and the buyer’s realtor came up with a one-year lease rental option for all of us (landlord included) but when they approached the buyer, the buyer nixed it – doesn’t want any of us here. So there is 100% no possibility of any of us staying past the end of February. I’m trying not to panic. Even though this place has caused me some serious grief over the years, I’m still going to miss my home a lot :(

I’ll be sad to leave it. After all, it’s where I am going to bury Peetie’s body after I throttle her for pestering me to go outside to play in the icefridge world.

This photo is from December 12th. That’s a long time for us to have snow!

Happy New Year, I guess. (insert New Year’s equivalent of “bah Humbug” here)

Let’s Play “What’s In Your Tree?”

February 28, 2014 By The Food Lady 11 Comments

For example, what’s in this tree at the back of my property?

I haven’t been to the back of the property in ages and ages – the blackberries have all but taken over our trail that connects the property to the dikes and we couldn’t use it all last summer. Tweed, in his old age and wisdom, fears the pokey retribution of trod-upon blackberries. I’ve been working at hacking away at them with a machete from time to time, and have made progress on about 2/3rds of the trail, but as I am not particularly skilled with the machete, it’s kind of dicey (yuk yuk).

We haven’t gone the other way around, through the Long Grass, because it’s full of spiders and things of that nature that violently disagree with me. But when Mother Nature dumped snow on us last week, it flattened all the long grasses so we have been tromping through there to walk along the dikes in the mornings. And it was on one of these mornings that I noticed this stupid box – which is now driving me OUT OF MY MIND with curiosity – wired into a tree where the end of our property line meets up with the dike.

At first I thought it was a bat house, which seemed pretty cool, but it doesn’t really look like a bat house. Someone else suggested it might be an owl box, which is almost as awesome (who doesn’t love a box full of owls?) I am rather hoping it’s a box full of old coins worth $10 million but high up in a tree seems a strangely visible place to store such a thing.

Anyway, the dogs are pleased at being able to run along the dikes again, and hunt in the Long Grasses.

And tromping through the snow and grass is better for my health than standing around in the dark throwing a ball. I hate Winter (season, not dog) so much … endless days of almost never seeing my dogs in the daylight and it being too dark out to walk on the property. Standing outside in the dark and freezing cold sideways rain, chucking the ball for an hour twice a day is brutally boring; I am so glad it’s staying light out later and in just a few months we will be past the Time Of The Great Mud and the outdoors will be fun again!

I guess I could always be like other hoarders and just not engage with my dogs at all (*insert eyeroll here*) and stay warm and dry all winter long. I just gotta say, it was awfully nice to see all your comments and emails supporting my, errm, unconventional (though clean and cared for) way of life. It’s not that the opinion of said accuser is meaningful to me in any way, because really, if someone I have so little regard for wants to think poorly of me, it doesn’t much matter to me, but making it a public opinion is just vitriolic. This is where social media is teh fail … it makes very unimportant people think their snide, empty-headed opinions have some credibility.

Anyway, it’s nice to know that the people that matter have my back. Which is a good thing, because my back is in danger of being kicked to death by ITALIAN GREYHOUNDS. Did you know that Italian Greyhound owners have a term for the particular activity these little wieners engage in called “The Butt Punch?” Here I thought I just had two fairly ill mannered little dogs, when in fact they are doing is The Dance of Their Tribe, which involves jumping on their owner from behind and – literally – kicking them in the ass. Over and over and over again. Particularly at meal preparation time, but any moment of intense excitement causes them to break into dance.

Ender is starting to settle in a little bit better, though I still think he has a death wish. At agility practice he tried to hump TEMPUS. That’s exactly the same as trying to seduce the Devil. The humping wouldn’t be so bad if he would just back off when told, but he takes exception to any dog rejecting his amorous advances and this is how he causes fights. He doesn’t do any damage to anyone, but it’s pretty stressful for all parties, including me. As he gets used to my own crew, he is doing this less and less, but the damage has been done and they aren’t really sure what to make of him.

Of course, what border collie would be able to understand a dog that wears pajamas outside?

In case the HILARITY of the jammies is not immediately apparent in that sort of shitty photo, here’s another view:

He manages to be handsome even in silly pajamas.

But not *quite* as awesome as this shelter cat in a top hat.

This is my new favouritest cat of all time. Partly because he is very handsome and very sweet, but also because he will wear a top hat.

Whenever I am photographing shelter animals in my “studio” I try to sneak in a few of my own guys here and there. Addy is becoming a pro at posing, but no matter how you take her picture, she’s still a Miggy (midget IG)

Gemma didn’t bite me once during this photo session! That’s pretty miraculous. That she is still alive and biting is also pretty miraculous.

Even though it’s been warm and sunny with snow on the ground, in many places, I have almost no outdoor photos to post today. That’s because the telephoto lens I spent my birthday money on, a new-to-me replacement lens (a Canon f/3.5-5.6 is) for my dead 70-200mm zoom, HAS STOPPED AUTO-FOCUSING! I have had the thing for like, a month. It was inexpensive, as it’s a discontinued lens, but it’s a good substitute and was all I could afford, and now it doesn’t work, unless I focus manually. And I don’t know if you have any idea how hard it is to focus on sighthounds and crazy border collies manually, but trust me … it’s a nightmare!

I did manage a couple of decent shots after spending an hour trying to photograph the dogs:

But by and large I was mostly just totally unsuccessful. And my guess is that fixing it would be more expensive than it’s worth. Although I spent all my money buying it so probably couldn’t afford to fix it any way. And definitely cannot afford another. That’s kind of a bummer, as without a good zoom or telephoto, outdoorsy/action shots are pretty well impossible to achieve.

I guess if I book outdoorsy/action sessions, I can always rent a lens, but now I am paranoid about ever using zooms and telephoto lenses ever again!

Why? WHY CRUEL WORLD?

AND STOP LAUGHING AT ME GEMMA!!

I better go climb that tree and check and see if there is $10 million in that box.

All Dressed Up, Snowhere To Go

January 20, 2011 By The Food Lady 26 Comments

The weather network this morning claimed it was raining. The weather itself had some other ideas. It snowed a whole bunch, right through until lunch time.

So I dressed everyone up in their winter finery to enjoy it while it lasted. My dogs don’t really need coats, since they grow their own, but I have a bunch laying around and I like to make them wear them from time to time because it amuses me.

However, none of the coats fit Dexter, because he INSISTS on growing all the time and is bigger than all of them.

I’m enormous!

I’m also trying to put the brakes on something I like to call “Dog Bed Drainage.” You tell me if this happens at your house, or just in The Food Lady’s vortex … when my many wet dogs come in from a good play outside, they like to flop themselves down on the various dog beds and nap (except for Dexter, who runs around the house looking for something to do). The dog beds, in turn, wick all the moisture off my dogs, funnel it through the layers of foam and release puddles of water on the underside of the beds, making the floor sopping wet. The tops of the beds will feel relatively dry – perhaps a titch damp – to the touch, but the undersides are literally sitting in pools of water. WTF?

Since I don’t really move the beds around all that often, unless I’m cleaning house, I had no idea that for the last rainy week or so, the beds have festering in a mess of their own doggy-smelling liquid. Gross. And probably not good for the laminate. I’ve starting putting towels under the beds to soak up the water, but I’m thinking I may need to slip a layer of plastic between the top of the beds and the foam inserts. But then won’t the top of the beds then stay wet? I can’t imagine this being much of an improvement, for surely if THEIR beds are wet, they’ll just use my bed instead. Curses!

Since the coats keep at least a 3rd of the dogs’ bodies dry, I am hoping it’ll cut down on the wet bed syndrome.

Some dogs

like their coats.

Some dogs give me stink eye when I make them wear coats.

Or perhaps some dogs are just angry that I accidentally focused on their chopped-up Flamboyances™ instead of their faces. Oops. I sure hope it grows back!

However, Wootie changed his tune later on in the walk when he learned he could glide through the pokies in his nylon coat without anything snagging in his fur.

Stop calling me! I’m busy slipping through stuff.

WebJoe continues to obsessively redesign Wootube. He noticed there was some whining about missing the old header, so he’s incorporated a bit of it back in ;-) I think it’s looking pretty darn good these days! You should all say thank you to WebJoe for his hard work.

And while he’s redesigning my virtual life, I’ve been playing with some new post processing techniques. The Big Air site is getting close to being done, and I’m very excited about that. It’s hard for me to get inspiring photos in the winter, since it’s dark when I get home from work, and it always seems to be raining or something equally unpleasant on my days off. And since my flash is still broken, indoor shots are pretty well out of the question. So I’ve been learning some new Photoshop skillz, which will hopefully translate to more interesting photos for all of you to enjoy as the weather gradually improves.

If the Food Lady lady won’t get out of her computer chair, we should throw her in the lake! Who’s with me?

I promise not to throw you in a lake, Food Lady … if you take this coat offa me. Whadda ya say, do we have a deal?

Damn smart border collies. Who taught them to negotiate anyway?

How to hypnotize a Jack Russell Terrier

January 3, 2010 By The Food Lady Leave a Comment

Too bad it doesn’t work to stop the barking.

We paid a visit to Hayward Lake today.

It’s got some groovy scenery.

But the beach was too small, and in terrible light, to get any really good photos.

So sometimes, you have to rely on comic relief.

Ruger was no help in this department, as he is Very Serious About Fetching Sticks. No room for fun, k?

Well, maybe a *little* room

I had ONE shot at a group photo, before Dexter and Cal took off. Notice how Cheryl’s dogs are looking at her, and all of mine are ignoring me (except Dexter, who is trying to silently convince me to give his release command)

I know why Piper is ignoring me … I am making her wear a t-shirt. Last night I found a gross, disgusting, inflamed and painful looking hot spot on her chest. After cleaning it up, I put one of my old t-shirts on her to protect it and keep her from scratching. She hates me now.

At least Cal still loves me. And by me, I mean the cookies in my pocket.

DID SOMEBODY SAY COOKIE?!?!?!