I am the meanest dog owner EVER.
FIRST OFF, Silly was getting on my nerves, so I drowned him.
THEN TWooie was getting on my nerves, so I drowned him too.
Drowned him DEAD! And waited until his stiff bloated corpse washed back up onto the sand. And then I LAUGHED!
Then I said MEAN things to Maisie about her parents, like ‘Your mama was a Golden Retriever,” and made her SAD.
Then I started a DOGFIGHTING operation! With dogs that can FLY!
Or, you know, I took everyone swimming at the slough because it was 8 million degrees outside today and got hotter by 17 degrees each time I thought to myself “wow is it ever hot.” It’s so hot that I wore SHORTS today. You may not know this about me, but I **loathe** shorts. I think they’re an insult to fashion (and I have no fashion sense!). But I wanted to go into the water too, so I wore boy’s board shorts. The top half of me is brown as a berry, but the bottom half is white, like TWooie’s corpse.
We like this new swimming place, because there’s usually nobody there except us, and it’s got a sandy beach, and Silly isn’t smart enough to find the path back up to the walkway and run halfway to Alberta before I notice he’s missing. Win win all around!
Silly is actually getting a lot better about sticking around; we’ve worked really hard on recalls and lots of rewards and he’s finding it more fun to hang out with us than it is to run off to do whatever it is he does when he runs off. He leaves for his new forever home this weekend, and I am actually going to miss the little (okay, ENORMOUS) booger quite a bit. Also I am jealous of his new upcoming life in frickin’ BELIZE.
That will leave just Crazy Miss Maisie to find a home for. Maisie, who has decided to become less and less border collie every day, for some reason. She remains a super high octane doggie with an NO STOP ONLY GO attitude toward life, but physically she has decided to bulk out like The Hulk and become some kind of mystery mix.
She’s still super cute though. And lots of fun, though still a challenge! She is pretty independent minded and sometimes I’ll, say, call her to come and she’ll stand and eyeball me and weigh her choices before deciding whether to come get a cookie or saunter off and find her own reward. You can actually SEE the wheels crankin’ along in her cranium while she conveyor-belts her options through the decision-making process. She’s going to make someone laugh a lot in their life together!
And speaking of independent-minded … Mr. Woo has become rather cranky in his old age. Tonight I asked him to come out of his hidey-hole under my chair to I could put his flea treatment on and he, while staring me bald-faced in the eyeball, refused to come out. So when I reached under to grab his collar, he decided to snap off two or three of my fingers. Asshole. Maybe he’s still ashamed of his sad little penis-tail … which is growing hair and now covered in a very thin and sad little layer of peach fuzz.
He doesn’t have the same enthusiasm for swimming he did in his younger, oranger years, but he can still be convinced to go in for a paddle for his Wootie Toy(tm), provided there’s a cookie at the end of his swim.
I even convinced* his brother to go in for a dip today
(*lured him out to floating depth with a cookie and then gave him a light push, like a floaty toy, and he bobbed away further into the water before figuring out how to steer himself back to shore)
and this is how he repaid me. He is still, 7 hours later, holding onto about 81 lbs of sand which he intends to shed onto my bed this evening, I’m sure.
Peetie + water = diving. I should really try dock diving with Slender Dog.
Although I’m not really sure I understand what’s happening in this photo.
I feel confident she too will miss Silly, based on the expression on her face in this photo.
I plunked both Spring and Fae into the water for a swim as well, but since both of them splashed so frantically fast back to shore and I was using a long lens, I have no photographic proof of it.
My neighbour Wendy showed us this to place for swimming a couple of weeks ago. She has a super cute Kelpie puppy, who doesn’t steal everyone else’s water toys and hoard them on the beach (I’m looking at you, Maisie)
I didn’t get any photos of Dexter today, but this one from a couple of weeks ago is a pretty accurate representation of all swimming outings with Dexter.
And then there is Miss Pants, who is allergic to raindrops, but magnetically attracted to large bodies of water. She remains a 2D enigma.
In other news, I’ve been invited to photograph dock diving at our local fair next month (I said “local fair.” I think I officially live in the country now.) which is exciting, because I’ve never photographed that sport before. Also exciting is that the giant pile of dirt and logs that lives between my Big Tin Can On Wheels and the poultry pen has been almost entirely tractored away, which means I can put up a real fence and my dogs will have their own yard to play in! Sometimes I remember that I used to live in an apartment on the 11th floor and rolled my eyes when someone said “How do you do it without a yard?” and wonder if that actually ever was even real.
Now if you will excuse us, it’s back to sitting and sweating …