snow

Worst Blogger Ever

November 17, 2013 By The Food Lady 12 Comments

*waves* Hi! Remember me? The Food Lady with a bunch of dogs and a really full schedule who has had no time for blogging the last several weeks?

See, tis that time of year again. HOLIDAY PHOTOS.

We did your first session of Santa Photos last weekend, and as always, it was loads of fun.

It was so much fun I brought the Santa suit to work and jollied a coworker into playing Santa, and took photos of the shelter dogs too.

Wouldn’t this photo make you want to adopt Jack, an 18 month old Pug X Chihuahua?

Or Chloe, an 18 month old Keeshond X Golden Retriever?

Or Betty White, a feisty old lady terrier dog?

Man, the light box I built at work makes for beautiful, crystal clear photos with lovely lighting. I want to build one for home, so I can take photos of my own beasts over the dreary winter, and actually, you know, blog.

I also got to take photos of some lovely doggies who required a photo session. And *I* am not fool enough to pass up the opportunity to photograph (read: play with and snuzzle) the world’s most adorable bulldog puppy, Stevie.

But Stevie would rather play with Jessie.

When it comes to playing, I’ve been busy too … I’ve been busy playing some dog sports, and trying some new ones!

Lure coursing is over for the year, which is okay, as it gives me time to put Wootie on a BIG FAT DIET and make him skinny again for next Spring.

Excuse me? A WHAT?

I think he would be really great at lure coursing, if he were not so tubby.

I also think he would be SUPER great at our newest dog sport, which is called Barn Hunt. This is a sport in which your dog (especially if it is a terrier, since they all seem – shockingly, I know – to go mental for this) has to locate a live rat that is housed in a PVC tube with air holes in it. There are other PVC tubes in play as well, that may contain rat bedding, or nothing at all. The dogs have to go through and over a course of hay bales and locate the correct rat-filled PVC tube and indicate (usually through screaming, I gather) that they have found it. As you the human do not know which tube actually contains a rat, you have to have confidence in your dog’s ratting skills and call the correct tube when your dog hits on it. If you and your dog are wrong, you get disqualified. If you are right, in the allotted time, you qualify. If your dog can find the rat the fastest, you win!

We tried Barnhunt at a seminar this weekend – I brought the whipjacks, because I thought they would excel at it. They weren’t quite as superb as I imagined they would be (reminds me of our first experience at lure coursing, actually). After initially being FAR too polite to point out to me that our hostess had – OMG – RATS, Spring eventually figured out the goal was to identify the vermin tube, and then she would delicately sit down beside it and place a paw gentle on the pvc pipe (“I don’t mean to alarm anyone, but I think there might be a mouse or something in this ‘objet’ … so sorry to be the bearer of bad news.”) She passed her instinct test with not bad time.

But at least she would go over and under the haybales, something Winter just resolutely would not do, as they were terrifying and itchy. And at first he refused to look at the rat at all, even the one in the see-through box. I suspect he thought he’d get in trouble (a la killing my chickens) if he let on that he wanted to KILL THAT THING. After lots of encouragement, he started muzzle punching the box and trying to dig through it, so I took him through the instinct test as well. His “indicator” is to glance at the correct tube and then avert his eyes and pretend he wanted nothing to do with the rat inside of it, so I had to be pretty aware. But he passed also.

I would NEVER kill a small living thing, nope. I don’t even know what a rat is. Nuh-uh.

The best dogs at the seminar were something that looked like an itty bitty airedale – that thing basically bodily hurled the hay bales out of the way and tried to eat through the PVC – and a Patterdale terrier that located the tube in under 10 seconds.

I do believe Wootie would kick some PVC-Rat-Tube ASS, so I’m enrolling him in the next seminar.

The today we went and played The Agilities. Springaling was trying for her third and final Starters Standard to get her ADC title, and move up to Advanced – and she did! She also got her first Advanced Gamble – she’ll be in Masters Gamble in no time, as she loves to Gamble.

Play agility, hunt rats, stalk my brother until he wrestles with me – it’s all fine with me!

She pooped in the box in Team Relay, after PROMISING me for a good 5 minutes of sniffing outside that she did not need to poop, nope. And she missed one tunnel entry in Jumpers (my fault) so she went 2/4. I had entered her in both Starters Standards (cuz I REALLY wanted that title!) and as she Q’d the first one, I had one to spare.

So I, umm, threw Dexter in in her place.

YES I KNOW I said I was not trialing him anymore. I have been good, haven’t entered him in the last few, but as he was there anyway in the truck, I thought – what the heck! Why waste a perfectly good, already paid for run? So I did. And damn if the sneaky f*cker didn’t Q with a perfect run.

You don’t give crazy enough credit.

Amazingly, that Q was the last one HE needed for his ADC, so both my dogs got their Agility Dog of Canada titles today. How exciting is that? I’m not getting my hopes up or anything ( have, after all, been fooled before!), but maybe this means there is hope for him yet! Of course, it takes him an average of two years to get out of a level, so he’ll be ancient by the time we get to Masters, but there you go.

In other news, Piper turns 11 tomorrow.

She is doing great, motoring around on that repaired ACL leg like nobody’s business. She is also batshit CRAZY these days – I have to keep here away from squeaky toys, as she eats them whenever she can, and if she gets the ball when we are out playing, she runs home with it and stands on the porch in a mild state of panic. Sound of body, but not quite of mind.

The WooTWoo turn eight years old tomorrow as well. Looking pretty FAT for eight!

TWooie will not play ball or anything, so he just ambles about or sits while we play ball before and after work in the dark. Sometimes I think he would be quite happy living with a little old lady who will take him for little walks around the block and feed him bon bons on the couch.

As for me, I turn 41 tomorrow. There is, in my house, 1 dog for every 5 years and 1.5 months of my life (cuz I have Holly, my foster puppy, here as well).

She’s real cute, I’m sure people will be dying to adopt her when I put her up for adoption. More power to them – she is a BUSY BUSY puppy, always into something!

And Tweed is, at 13.5, five hundred kinds of awesome :)

More Santa (and Grinch, and a secret, soon to be unveiled character) photo sessions coming up at various locations around the Lower Mainland. If you’re in the area, keep an eye on the blog and the FB page, as we’ll be announcing them soon!

Bad News …

January 27, 2012 By The Food Lady 38 Comments

Dexter has rabies.

ha ha! Just kidding. Did I make your heart stop for a moment there?

Yippee! I’m not rabid!

Today the dogs got a good work out in the Altheticism Competition on Food Lady Farm.

Dexter gets a B+ … but don’t forget, he’s coming back from an injury. Okay surgery. Whatever.

Spring gets an A. Very impressive for a newbie to competition!

Wootie, of course, gets an A+.

It’s even more impressive when you think about the fact that he’s a lazy orange sausage of a dog. He got extra points for throwing in fancy moves, like handstands, and sticking his landings.

TWooie, otoh, failed.

But he made up many points in the synchronized competition.

And speaking of the WooTwoo, some time back a friend sent me a link to a website about Max and Moritz, a German storybook about two very mischievous brothers written in the 1800s, and asked if they didn’t remind me – disturbingly so – of two dogs I knew.

Ah, how oft we read or hear of
Boys we almost stand in fear of!
For example, take these stories
Of two youths, named Max and Moritz,
Who, instead of early turning
Their young minds to useful learning,
Often leered with horrid features
At their lessons and their teachers.

*shudder* Damn the Germans and their bad ass brothers!!

They’re scary. I’m hiding behind Spring until they go away.

How long after neutering do you think it will take Dexter to put on a little weight and become a normal sized body, rather than just a giant head with some skinny legs attached? It’s positively ridiculous that he can hide his whole body behind 19lbs of Springaling.

And speaking of Dexter … this dog makes me wish I could photograph sound. I have never had a dog do this before, but when he is really excited he chatters his teeth together so loudly that he sounds exactly like a woodpecker. I’m not kidding … I spent, like, a year telling people I had a woodpecker that visited my house until I clued in to the fact that the “woodpecker” only showed up when I was putting on my boots and Dex was stuck on the other side of the babygate waiting to be released out the front door, and I started listening a little more closely. Does anyone else’s dog do this?

One thing I CAN photograph is pain.

Ow.

Food Lady, why you cry?

Ha ha ha! That was so funny! Ha ha!

Hee hee hee! I laughed so hard I fell over!

Dude! You gotta come and see this … Dexter knocked the Food Lady OUT with the Fifa! it’s hilarious!!!

*shakes fist at sadistic dogs* Clearly, they spend too much time with Gerhard.

I’m going to go think fluffy, happy thoughts now.

Hey cool! You’re not dead after all. Can I have a cookie?

Bonus Friday Post

January 20, 2012 By The Food Lady 21 Comments

Today you get a bonus post for 3 reasons:

1) because I borrowed the chickens’ heat lamp and aimed it at my bathtub drain pipe under the house and thawed it out so I could have a long, hot shower this morning. All is right with the world :)

2) because we went to the park today with The Sadist’s wife (who is not sadistic) and their dogs and had a fun play, and TWooie DIDN’T TRY TO KILL ANYONE. He objected when Cisco humped him, but no blood was shed and no fights broke out. Brilliant effort on TWoo’s part; I am so proud of his restraint. I took no photos, as I wanted both eyes on TWoo, but he did me proud. Our hard work is paying off!

3) because The Sadist’s wife brought her new puppy, whom I *did* take photos of, and you will of course want to see some of them!

This is Cruz.

The Sadist says he is a pain in the ass. I can’t imagine why ;-)

I think he’s just plain adorable :)

How lucky am I to get to spend my day off playing with a cutie patootie puppy? Seriously. Best snow day ever!

Miami Miami

January 19, 2012 By The Food Lady 18 Comments

No no, I’m not going on vacation.

This is Miami … my hammy. Say it out loud :) It’s fun!

Doesn’t Miami have the super coolest Hamosphere ever? She was abandoned at the door of a vet clinic in the snow. People suck. Since I liked MC Hamster a lot, and like having a hamster, I brought her home.

The beauty of the Hamosphere is that no dog tongues can sneak through cage bars to *taste* Miami, and therefore TWooie has lost interest in eating her already.

I thought maybe Dexter would like to have Hammy TV to watch whilst recovering from his neuter.

Alas. “Rest” is not a word in his vocabulary.

Or maybe he just doesn’t want to lie down … poor doggie, they shaved his wiener bald. Completely bald!! Oh the indignity! I therefore could not withhold the joy of playing in the snow from Mr. Baldnutz (this reference is funny to Vancouver residents who have ever read the Georgia Strait only, pretty much).

He is none the worse for wear after his surgery. I can’t believe how fast dogs recover from this kind of thing. By Wednesday morning, he was bouncing up and down and bringing tennis balls to clients at work. Do you think maybe he’s crying on the inside?

Dear doG, why’d you take my nuts?

He was feeling so fine today, a mere two days later, that he really didn’t understand why he couldn’t go to agility class this evening.

What the eff?

But I didn’t want dirty barn dirt getting in his incision site, so he had to stay home. Miss Springaling went in his place.

BITCH! I HATE you!

Spring is totally gettin’ her agility on. She’s mastered all the contact equipment except the teeter, which is still a little scary, but she can run a Jumpers course like a hot damn. And she has not yet met the weave poles, because it’s been too snowy to bust out the 2X2s. It started snowing a week ago and has continued to dump on us off and on for the last 6 days. AND the temperature dropped well below 0° so once again, my bath tub drain froze solid. Why’d I move out here to the Stix again?

Oh yeah … because we get to run around on 10 acres like crazy peoples!

Apparently it’s going to start raining again tomorrow and melt all this white stuff. So since I only worked a half day today, I decided to take the afternoon to get snowy photos of the dogs for you.

I think they enjoyed themselves. What do you think?

Well, mostly anyway … Tweed doesn’t like snowballs (in his feet).

Shut up! At least they didn’t steal YOUR balls!

YOU shut up, sonny! They stole my balls over a decade ago!

Okay okay, I’ll stop with the testicle references.

Thank doG. It’s about time.

Flying donuts … so much better than balls.

Yeah! Donuts!

I love dogs-in-snow photos. I especially love that my dogs will let me dump snow all over their heads and then look happy about it for photo opportunities.

Well, *some* of them anyway.

Mostly I just love how happy all my dogs are :)

Happy snow day, friends!

Is this post over already?

My life has gone to the … chickens?

February 26, 2011 By The Food Lady 6 Comments

So last night I had this dream, where one of my chickens laid a HUGE, like unreal sized, egg. An enormous, outlandish, triple sized egg. In my dream, I picked up the egg to go show it off to someone else and I broke it. I was so disappointed!

And so … today after work I checked the hen house and found a chicken had laid a really big egg. Not as huge as the one in my dream, but definitely noticeably bigger than average. I brought it into the house to give it a wash before putting it in the egg carton, and I BROKE it while drying it off!! Seriously! I can’t make this shit up, people.

Even worse, I was slightly late for work this morning because I had to stop my car on the side of the road and chase down a random stray chicken. I’m not even joking. Chickens can run really fast, but *I* can run faster than a chicken. I caught her – a pretty cream coloured hen – and decided that possession is 9/10ths of fowl law, so I drove back home and added her to my flock. Maybe she’s the one that laid the giant egg?

Well that’s just shocking. Look at my exaggerated face of shock, with the use of this handy prop. Yep.

^^ Captain Sarcasmo

In other chicken news, my bantam rooster and his lady love had some kind of bird flu (wuh oh!) and have been living in my house for the past week so they can take their antibiotics. The laying hens are unaffected by the cold, and if they take the antibiotics, we can’t eat their eggs, so I had to separate them. My life really has gone to the chickens. I just ordered some of these:

They’re called Frizzle Cochins and they have curly feathers!

Say Tweed, could I borrow your sarcasmo-shock face for a minute?

I promise I will be adding a real post soon – today it started SNOWING and it’s still coming down like crazy. So tomorrow we’ll take photos in the snow! Wheee!!

Now if only my pipes would thaw – I’m back in “no showering for Food Lady” land thanks to the obscenely cold weather. Le sigh.

Murder on Food Lady’s Farm

December 30, 2010 By The Food Lady 20 Comments

No, it wasn’t Wootie. He’s bleeding from the head because he was crashing through the pokies again. Some dogs never learn.

And it wasn’t TWooie either, even though it looks like it probably was.

And I *am* thinking of using him as an agent of destruction.

In fact, there has been no murder on Food Lady’s farm; I am simply premeditating one right now. So let’s talk turkey.

Don’t be silly, those aren’t turkeys. Those are my chickens. My quiet chickens. But my neighbours … THEY have turkeys. And for some mystery reason, they decided the other day to build the turkeys a new run along the side of their house. Which puts the turkeys about 50 feet from my head when I’m trying to sleep at night.

There are maybe 12 or 15 of them and while they are mostly quiet, when something concerns them, they discuss it. Loudly. And it sounds like this.

Between the effing turkeys and the neighbours’ addition of, for christ’s sake, a ROOSTER (why? WHY? Who needs a rooster except maybe your stew pot?) I’m awake these days from pretty much 3AM onward. As soon as the turkeys settle down, the rooster lets us all know that the sun will be rising in, oh, 3 hours or so. At this point, I’ve gone off birds altogether.

I am trying to think of a polite way to tell my neighbours that first of all, the turkeys can’t live in the brand new, expensive enclosure they just built or I’m going to come unglued, and worse yet, the rooster cannot live here at ALL. I don’t want to be that neighbour, the one who is always complaining, but I kind of think that I shouldn’t have to sleep with turkeys. And roosters are assholes. I mean, we have a perfectly good barn these animals could live in, and it’s quite far from my headboard. We have 10 acres … surely to doG the farm animals can live on, you know, the farm parts and not in our yards? It’s not an unreasonable thing to ask, is it? I mean, getting a full night’s sleep is hard enough, what with Piper and Tweed snarking at one another under the bed.

*blank look* I never.

The more astute among you will by now have noticed the ground is covered in snow. That was a surprise to all of us. I walked the dogs yesterday morning at 5:30AM and there was no snow at all. Less than two hours later I went to leave for work and my van looked like an igloo! It was a veritable blizzard, and made driving to work really quite scary (especially on just 4 hours of sleep, thank you TURKEYS / ROOSTER). But as soon as I crossed the bridge into Coquitlam the snow had all but stopped and by the time I hit Vancouver, it was sunny out. Seems the snowstorm only attacked those of us in the sticks.

So today it’s freezing cold outside, but very beautiful.

And the dogs are loving it! Because The Food Lady is more willing to spend time outside when it is cold than when it is soaking wet.

They didn’t even mind the Icecapades too much. There was much hilarity (for me) watching them try to skitter across the frozen water masses.

This is funny for you why, exactly?

I dunno Piper … I guess because I’m giddy due to lack of sleep.

I could take out those turkeys for you.

Maybe I’ll just invite all of you over for an ENORMOUS turkey dinner.

In the meantime … I’m going to my happy place!

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