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And on the 23rd of August..

August 23, 2019 By The Food Lady 2 Comments

doG said “There will on this day be born a puppy.

“And he will be a pain in the ass to his littermates.

“And he will eat your underpants.

“And he will stand on stuff.

“And he will totally BOMB OUT as your agility dog.

“And he will appear in and on weird things and places.

“But although he may not turn out to be the sport dog you were hoping for, he will become your bestest buddy.”

And so it came to pass that Dexter “Longstride” Morgan turned 10 years on this day. And he’s the best dog ever.

(Even if his mom’s photshopping is poorly executed because she is crunched for time)

Can you believe my special little guy is 10 years old today??

We went to the Super Secret Swimming Hole for a couple of hours to run and swim and get as sandy as we wanted. Then we celebrated with a cake from Auntie Fiona a mini photo shoot in my tin can’s “living room.” And then we took a group photo, because it looks hilarious with the wide angle lens ;-)

So please say Happy Birthday to Dexter, because there were years where I was pretty sure he wasn’t going to make it to the ripe old age of ten without me punting him off the edge of the universe ;-) Fortunately he turned into a really super wonderful dog, and I can’t imagine my life without him.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DE-MO!!

Food Lady Who??

June 9, 2019 By The Food Lady 5 Comments

I know, I know. I’m the worst blogger in the history of blogging. It’s been MONTHS since I posted anything. I have totally been phoning it in with cheap one offs on the FB page. You probably all think about me and feel like this:

But you probably don’t have grass seeds on your forehead while you do it. Or maybe you do, who am I to judge your life choices? After all, I live with NINE FREAKIN’ DOGS, which is in large part why the blogging is on the back burner…I’m sick to death of dogs at the moment. I feel like we all live in kinda roomy cardboard box together and everywhere I turn, there’s another damn dog underfoot. I’ve stepped on them, accidentally punted them down the stairs, slammed noses and tails in the STOP-SNEAKING-INTO-THE-BATHROOM-AND-EATING-THE-CATS’-FOOD babygate and one memorable time I yanked up my bed quilt in a fit of pique and sent Fae flying through the air. Those big, sad-kid eyeballs do NOT forgive.

They’re driving me a bit batshit right now, probably because I am with them 24/7 and don’t ever get a chance to miss them. Except, you know, when one of them squeezes out of the yard and goes walkabout (Addy in particular appears to be made of liquid and can ooze on out of anything bigger than a quarter) and then I have to go hunt them down. And when I do leave them at home, all I do is worry about what havoc they are wreaking on my home while I’m gone. Apparently being crammed into this tin can is as stressful for them as it is for me.

So naturally, I did the sensible thing, and brought in a foster dog to round out this insanity to an even ten.

Everyone is getting a puppy but me.

The Sadist’s wife got a puppy.

And my friend Dorothy got a puppy.

And Harold got a puppy.

(Although to be fair, his puppy might be an alligator)

And then random puppies keep popping up ALL OVER THE DAMN PLACE at trials.

Even Auntie Fiona got a puppy! It would be more dramatic if I had a photo of her puppy for here, but I haven’t gotten around to taking any yet. But trust me – SHE’S REALLY FUCKING CUTE!!

So I got a foster puppy. Because even though I currently hate dogs, I have massive puppy envy. Yes, I am aware I have a problem.

But she only lasted a week with me, because she is so adorable and sweet that everybody wanted to adopt her and she went to her new home right away. I barely had a chance to take photos of her before she was gone again. It wasn’t very satisfying. Harumph.

Meanwhile, my stable/solid “puppy” has turned into a freaky idiot. Today’s phobia was banners flapping in the wind, even though yesterday was windier and those same banners went unnoticed. Also, submissive peeing is our new favourite activity in public, apparently.

The other reason I haven’t been blogging is because my yard is ugly – it does not inspire me to pick up the camera and document anything, as it’s just a bunch of gravel and dirt with three dogs chasing a ball, Wootie whining because he’s bored and Addy liquifying through livestock fencing to run around the parking lot and trying to get into the training building to beg for cookies.

We have to wait until the building is not in use and go use the off leash area, and that hardly ever happens. This weekend is Regionals though, so everybody is competing and nobody is using the property, so we got to enjoy some quiet time in the grass instead of loud time in the gravel. I think they were pretty happy about this.

Even Wootie played fetch with his obnoxious yellow frisbee, and he hardly ever plays fetch anymore, he just patrols the fenceline making pathetic whining sounds.

He also does this thing where when I try to get him to come inside and he shoots under the deck and won’t come back out. I think he’d be quite happy to spend all of the nice weather outside chilling – the WooTWoo definitely miss being farmdogs. But I don’t trust them to not find a way out of the yard if they tried hard enough, and also TWooie takes offense to EveryDog in the parking lot and I could do without the barking.

Whereas these idiots could care less about anything other than playing ball. Especially Maisie. I wish I had the same relationship with Maisie that Maisie has with her faded Chuck it ball that she squishes into a non ball shape. She’s got a set of chompers on her!

I like to say that Maisie is just Tweed visiting in a much bitchier body. She shares some of his same traits – her personal space bubble from other dogs is large, especially when she is sleeping. She likes to smell other dogs’ bathing suit areas, but they aren’t allowed to sniff hers as she snaps at them when they do. And she only plays with ONE ball and refuses to play with anything else, also a Tweed trick. She is also thinkie like he was, but she has less focus, which is mostly my fault as I haven’t really done anything of note with her, training wise. I’ve been a really lazy, unmotivated trainer/handler for a long time now. I feel like just getting through every day sucks up all my energy, and it’s impossible to do any training in this place because there’s nowhere to lock up all the other dogs and they’re all up in our business. And when we’re all out together, it’s a chore and a half just to keep track of them all, never mind work with them. Honestly, it’s just exhausting.

Maybe I’m just bummed because Facebook reminded me yesterday that it has been 4 years since Tweed went to the Big Naughty Dog Box in the great ether. I miss my good boy. But I also miss living in a house. Never thought I’d wax nostalgic for the tiny house with the mystery mini river running through the yard in coyote country.

Miss this face!

After Tweed died, I had an overwhelming desire to get another boy puppy, like immediately. Which made me feel instantly bad. And I never did … I got myself 4 more girl dogs instead. That’s so weird. I keep eyeballing BC/Aussie litters, but even if I did want to saddle myself with yet ANOTHER annoying, underfoot hairy family member, I am not convinced that I would find a good one. I meet so many of this cross that end up with a tiny BC head and a big fluffy Aussie butt, or they ended up being 65lbs, or they have a weird snarky temperament. I guess Mr Square was a once in a lifetime dog!

The OneMindSameDog terrier siblings spend all their time hunting mices. They generally are not successful, but they have incredible amounts of optimism that they one day will be. I wish I had their sunny outlook on life! I got Spring to play exactly ONE frisbee throw and then she was back to sticking her nose through the fence, smelling the invisible mices on the other side.

Meanwhile, crazy Miss Maisie will go until she drops. And when she drops, she will still have her beloved ball wedged firmly in her teefs.

Fae also wants the ball, but only because Deafter has it and won’t give it up. So her favourite activity is yelling in his face to make him drop it. Joke’s on her though, cuz he can’t hear her ear splitting barkshrieks.

Can you believe Dexter “Longstride” Morgan is going to be TEN this August? TEN! It blows my mind. I feel like he went right from being a crazy adolescent straight to being on the verge of being a senior. I don’t even know what happened to the time in between. Maybe it’s because he’s still as crazy and intense as ever.

He is so deaf now. And the funny thing about it is that he KNOWS he is deaf. I never know how to explain this in a way that makes sense, but … like, so he prefers to poop far far away, always has (it’s a trait of his litter. Such a weird genetic thing to pass down through generations). Whenever possible, he likes to leave the yard and go way over to the other side of the property to drop a log. Of course, he mostly can’t do that as he’s fenced in. When the buffalo aren’t on the property, we do play ball out in the field behind us (they’re back now, so we aren’t playing back there). And then when it’s time to go back inside, I give him the hand signal to come and heel … as we walk back to the yard, he slowly drops further and further back until he’s out of my peripheral vision, and then he turns and BOOKS as fast as he can in the other direction so he can go to his preferred toileting area. And I know he knows that calling him is ineffective, because as soon as I notice he’s gone I will turn around and see him glance back EVERSOQUICKLY to see if I’ve noticed, but not long enough to make eye contact because then I would give him his sign to come again, and he’s a good dog fundamentally and would ‘listen’ to me, but he’s figured out if he doesn’t make eye contact, he doesn’t have to listen. It’s actually kind of ingenius, if a little creepy.

He’s also super smart – if the training building is empty, he will take his time coming back, squeeze through the gate on the other side of the parking lot and meander through the parking area, marking various areas before ending up at my front gate. But if there are vehicles in the parking lot, he knows it’s off limits and he will come home around the back through the field and wait patiently at my back gate to be let back in. I love that he’s worked this out for himself. He’s another once in a lifetime dog.

Maisie and I did some agility training last weekend with The Sadist … I had forgotten (blocked out/had PTSD) how much yelling and belitting is involved training under that Mad Man! I am still hearing “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?” and “WHY AREN’T YOU RUNNING FAAAAAAASTERRRRRRR???” was involved. My calves ache just thinking about it. But I brought DeMo in to try a gamble and damn if he didn’t just figure it out first try, even if he can’t hear my verbals.

He’s also still super duper handsome.

Spring had a go too and did a marvelous job at it. She is also awesome when we do club practice. I went ’round Regionals on Friday to cheer on my friends who were entered in the steeplechases and had a momentary pang of regret that I hadn’t entered her … then I went back to my van to get something and she was curled up in a teeny little ball way in the back of her crate, because she KNEW we were at Thunderbird. She really hates that venue so very much. Poor sensitive little mices hunter.

Pants remains eternally adorable and equally as annoying. She spends her time figuring out new and creative ways to escape the yard, or off leash area, and doesn’t care if I notice or not. (She also is a killing machine – yesterday I heard her eating something on a dog bed and looked over my screen to see what contraband she’d scored this time, and it was a baby chicken. Because her current life goal is to eat all of them. So far we are Baby chickens-14, Addy-2)

Periodically I scream “PANTS! PANTS! PANTSPANTPANTS!” and she comes flying over for a cookie.

Then she resumes her flagrant disregard for my wishes and continues looking for a way to be bad, until eventually she grows tired of arguing with me and turns into a cat-in-a-sunbeam.

She had her sorta-annual epileptic seizure last week. I hate seeing those :( She is so confused when it happens. Fortunately, she bounces back very quickly and then goes about her business of being naughty like nothing ever happened. As awful as it is, I am just glad she doesn’t have it worse.

I also haven’t been blogging as much because I was pretty busy with sessions for other people, and the more of those I have, the less time I have to take and edit photos of my own beasts. I did sunrise tulip sessions in April and May and they were a big hit. The results were fantastic, even though it was freakin’ hard to drag my ass and all my gear out at 4:30 in the morning.

I even snuck mine in one evening for a couple of quick shots :)

I’ve stopped shooting general agility trials, and have myself available only for big or major events, like the annual ASCofBC trial, and UKI cups. It’s just so much work for so little return otherwise, and a lot of wear and tear on my gear. But I’ve been asked to do a rally and conformation event next weekend … I don’t know from conformation, so I’m a bit worried about how well that’ll turn out. I tried my hand at it on Cruz in the tulips and think it turned out pretty okay though!

And I’m still working on perfecting my sunset shots, mostly because I just love them so much!

I just love my strobe so much, it’s the best thing I’ve bought in a long time. It’s totally changed my photo game. My next goals are to get a full frame camera, and a wider lens as well. So many toys, so little money!

I’ve also got some pretty exciting news that I can’t share yet (no it’s not the WooTWoo’s DNA results; we got TWooie’s back, but the Woo’s sample – much like Woo himself – was naughty and had to be re-processed. But I will definitely blog those when they come in!) but check back for that in a month or so.

In the meantime, I will be working on putting up my new solid wood fence. My goal this summer is to make the yard secure enough that I can leave the dogs out in it without worrying they will plot a get away. I am hoping having the freedom of the yard will ease up the close-quarters stress. The solid fence will go across the front of the yard so they can’t see the parking lot, which will cut down on that trigger, as they still have never really gotten over seeing tons of people and dogs in “their” territory. And also it will be nice to be out in my yard without people looking at me all the time. I have lived in the stix for far too long to be comfortable being sociable with people before my coffee. My stepdad replaced a fence for a client and gave me the old fencing … it’s worn and needs a sand and a stain, but it will do the trick.

Now I am going to go run some errands and then pop into Regionals and hopefully catch some of the awards ceremonies. Would you like to play some frisbee with Mr. Woo while I’m gone?

GOTCHA

March 27, 2019 By The Food Lady 2 Comments

On this day in 2010, a FAT asshole joined the WooCrew. He eschewed the other four legged members of the family, and took out a hit on Dexterpuppy, but took a shine to His Orangeness and that’s remained his MO for the last 9 years. Except he’s much slimmer now.

Happy Gotcha Day, TWooie (formerly known as, *gag* Harley)!!!

It would be so much more satisfying to be able to include his DNA results here, along with the reveal of whether or not he is actually related to his brother Wootie, but those results won’t be back for a couple of months.

For his Gotcha Day he got me yelling at him at 1:30AM to “SHUT UP AND LET ME SLEEP I LET YOU OUT BEFORE BED ALREADY!!” because he had some “bad bottom” and had to go, which he did, allll across the living room floor. Blech. Maybe too many goldfishie crackers?

But you gotta admit that the flying goldfishie crackers make for some super hilarious photos, so … worth it!

I recently got myself a portable strobe in an attempt to up my photo game. I want to be able to light doggies anywhere, any time, and take advantage of locations where extension cords cannot go, like the beach and the mountains and at sunset and sunrise. And also, apparently, in my living room, with the backdrop pinned over the TV slide out, whilst throwing fish crackers at my dogs. And what I have discovered is that most of my dogs suck at catching cookies I throw at them.

Addy is shocked – SHOCKED I TELL YOU – that I would have the audacity to hurl crackers at her.

Winter’s strategy is to entrap the flying fish within Mouth Bars of Gooey Substance.

Wootie confused them with a game of soccer, and tried to head them into the goalie net.

But Dexter, dear, darling Dexter, was the worst of them all. He has exactly zero concept of how to catch anything. At all. Cookies are no exception.

Fortunately, he is very good at other things, like being extremely handsome and – more importantly – stationary, for minutes at a time, while I fiddle with position and power output of my new strobe to get the perfect sunset shot.

He really is such a very good boy. Sometime within the last year, he has unfortunately been afflicted with a nasty, biting parasite :(

Its scientific name is Maisie ChompsHisNeck.

This parasite seems benign … even kinda cute. But it is relentless, and whenever Dexter tries to run, the parasite attaches itself to his neck.

Getting upset with the parasite just causes it to become more aggressive.

Maisie is becoming quite the little pest! When she was a small puppy and I wrote up her adoption profile, one of the things I warned people about was that she had the potential for dog on dog aggression as a direct byproduct of over arousal. The number of applicants who failed to grasp what that could even mean was depressing. The number of applicants who dismissed this possibility as me being overly dramatic was just annoying. I got a lot of condescending nods and discreet eyerolls. And here we are 7 or 8 months later, and when Maisie gets really wound up, she likes to redirect onto one of her playmates and bite them in the neck or face. This is a good place to insert an “I told you so,” I think.

Poor Dexter, for all his creeping around and flashing Mad Teeth(tm) at things, is at heart a pacifist and couldn’t bite another dog if his life depended on it. I’ve said many times that if he had just kicked the living shit out TWooie once, TWooie would have a lot more respect for him. But instead he does the creeping/teeth thing while TWooie snaps and him and pulls out his hair, and never takes it any further than madmouth. He does the same thing with Maisie – as much as he would like her to stop losing her shit and biting him, he doesn’t know how to get her to quit it and leave him alone. So, bless him, he tries to get her to knock it off by using the universal hand signal for STAHHHP.

It doesn’t work of course, and Maisie just thinks he’s boxing with her and gets more amped up. So she is now learning to wear a basket muzzle, so that when we are going for a walk (she doesn’t do this when playing ball, and sticks very diligently to her own ball and doesn’t chase anyone else’s) she won’t leave holes in my poor boy’s neck and shoulders. He used to really love playing the run-and-snap-teeth game with her, the same one he played with Tweed for years, but then she started attacking him and now he’s all huffy about it and doesn’t want to run with her anymore. We’re hoping the muzzle means they’ll be able to play that game again.

She is an awesome puppy in most ways, but she’s kind of a dick when it comes to getting all worked up about stuff. She is also a dick when it comes to her Jolly Rope Ball. Doesn’t matter what other toy she has, if someone else picks up that particular toy, she turns into a raging bitch. Poor Dexter can only play with it if Maisie is on a leash.

Poor Wootie is so scared of her that he won’t even try to play with it anymore, so I had to buy him his own and we only play with it when Maisie is in a crate in the house … otherwise we have one terrified Wootie and one Rage-ie Maisie with TWO Jolly Rope Balls to snarl over.

He is, however, allowed to play with his frisbee unmolested.

And did you notice in the previous photo that his Flamboyance(tm) is growing back in nice and full? Finally! It’s still a pale shade of the gloriousness that it once was, but at least it has some heft and volume again. It’s thicker even than The Flambe(tm) of his brother’s, at last!

Fae Fae (also known by her stage name, Poops On The Floor Every Night While Everyone Else Is Sleeping) is (was) allowed to play with Maisie’s frisbee, mostly because everyone fears her tiny warbly wrath. Until Maisie and her stupid sister Peetie pulled the blue frisbee into tiny rubbery bits by arguing over who got to hold it.

Fae is such a little bag. Everyone thinks she is so sweet and adorable and full of hair, but that’s because they never see her flashing her pearly whites at everyone and stalking around with scorpion tail being a total hag. She won’t even play with Addy anymore, and Addy’s mostly too scared to try to attempt it … though once in a while her silly sighthound side gets the best of her and she gives it a go. They get along fine, they just don’t really play or snuggle (well, nobody snuggles with Fae, cuz she’s mean). Like right now Addy is snuggled up in a dog bed with Spring, while Fae is curled up on TOP of Addy’s snuggle sack in the chair next to me, so Addy can’t use it. Super bitch.

Don’t feel too bad for Addy though. Because she is super spoiled. Since the warm weather beat back the snow (seriously, Mother Nature is on crack … we went from well below zero and two feet of snow to 22+ tank top weather in the space of about 4 days), her frog-shaped splashing pool is back in business and she spends a good deal of time out there yelling at me to throw water with the chuck it so she can chase the droplets, or toss pebbles in the pool so she can try and find them with her little feetsies. And a friend of mine just gave us a second plastic pool shaped like a crab, which we are about to fill up with damp sand, so she can dig in it to her heart’s content. Because she is just THAT spoiled that she gets her own waterpark and her own beach. If I could get her to transfer her love of chasing water droplets and/or wet sand to a frisbee, she would be the world’s most adorable disc dog, but Addy don’t play that.

As I have no disc dogs of my own, I instead did a model call for disc dogs just so I could take some photos of them. Other people’s dogs are just that much more talented than mine. Also bendier.

This one was my favourite. Did so many cool things with the frisbee!

But this guy here, Dylan, I just love. I first met him when I was photographing dock diving last August at the fair. He’s a border collie/whippet mix and he is super athletic, super hilarious and generally just really really nice. One day he might be a daddy, and I’m hoping the timing is right for me to get a puppy from him! I am also hoping that is a long way away, because currently I have 80 million dogs and I don’t need any more.

Photographing disc was a fun way to spend a Sunday. I have never tried disc with my dogs, because I have only a couple of dogs that are leapers and they aren’t the same ones that really like frisbees. Maisie likes frisbee a lot, but she’s more of an on-the-ground dog. I have started doing some agility foundation work with her and she is catching on super quick. I think she will be a nice little agility dog – not crazy fast (or just crazy), like, say, Lavish:

(funny story – I posted this photo on my Big Air page and when I showed it to Lavish’s owner, she said “ASSHOLE” … and I still don’t know if she meant me or Lavish. Either way, I was delighted! LOL)

… but rather I think Maisie will be more like Tweed – reasonably fast, concise and think-y on the course. She is just generally a think-y dog (except when she is being a parasite). I really miss playing agility with Tweed (also I just miss Tweed). Dexter was like trying to stop that train from that movie with Denzel Washington. Spring is like trying to to get a rock in a slingshot without arms, and then suddenly achieving it and shooting it across the planet. Fae is like trying to get a mouse on speed to concentrate.

Mr. Woo was like trying to smack a particularly irritating mosquito. doG love him.

But I think Maisie is going to take her “job” seriously and understand what the end game is. She’s just that kind of dog.

Until then, my handsome Dexter will keep me busy posing beautifully for beautiful photos :)

I’m a lot more chipper these days, you may have noticed. Now that I’m not trapped in 12 freezing-cold square feet without water or a working toilet, with 9 super bored dogs, life is a lot less stressful. Thank you all for sticking with me through the dark times :)

Also, save your pennies because I have some truly amazing themed photo sessions coming up in the next few months, at some truly amazing and STUNNING locations! To make sure you’re kept in the loop, be sure to like and follow my photography page on Facebook. You won’t want to miss these, if photos of your doggos are what you’ve been craving!