Tried a new dog park

The one where the fattest dogs in the world all hang out.

See?

Oh, making fun of my girth again are we? How exciting. *YAWN*

Ha ha. But seriously, compared to the other dogs we saw at the park, Wootie is practically svelte. Actually, to be fair, Wootie isn’t really THAT fat at all. He is *very* hairy, and has a chest like a beer keg, but you can quite easily feel his ribs. If you felt just his ribs, you’d think he needed to lose a whopping pound or possibly two. It’s his back that you can’t find, up around his shoulders. It’s buried in so much hair and lard that it may actually be at home in the toybox as much as you can prove it’s in his body where it’s supposed to be.

Or maybe he’s keeping it in his magnificent Flamboyance(tm).

There were so many obese – not just fat, we’re talking easy-chair-plus-an-ottoman obese – dogs at the park that it made me cringe. One border collie we ran across was so huge I could easily have dined on his kitchen table of a back.

I had this predictable conversation with the owner as I was leaving.

Him: “Are those ALL your dogs???“

Me: “Yes.”

Him: “Do you do flyball with them?“

Me: “No.“

Him. “Oh. We tried flyball with our dog, but he didn’t seem to like it.”

Me: “That’s because he’s 30 lbs too fat to run or jump. He’d probably enjoys sports a lot more if he wasn’t shaped like a beach ball.“

Him: mouth agape.

I know, I know – I should mind my own business. But I can’t help it! That poor dog was so fat he couldn’t even keep up with Dexter, who trips over his own giraffe legs every 4.5 seconds. He’d only just walked into the park and he was already panting like crazy. It’s just plain sad.

Never mind the Jack Russel that looked like he’d swallowed the aforementioned border collie. Oy.

And it wasn’t just fat dogs that made this new park kinda creepy; there was the unnecessarily high (and ungodly) percentage of Cesar Milan Wannabes who kept poking their dogs and going “Zzzzt.” WTF is that supposed to do anyway? Is there a magic noise-making button on dogs that I’ve missed all these years, that makes your dog do EXACTLY WHAT HE WAS DOING ALREADY when you push/zzzt it?

And then there was this dog (also really fat):

His owner opened the gate, sat down on a bench and screamed “RUN RUN!” at the dog, who immediately took off and started doing laps around the park for no particular reason – he was not chasing anyone or anything, he was just literally running in a big circle over and over and over. It was the exact behaviour we see in, and try to train out of, rescue dogs who run fence lines in their yards. The dog basically ran non stop for about 20 minutes, literally running a trench in the soft ground, until the owner hollered “That’s enough!” and the poor thing collapsed under a table.

I have never seen anything like it.

Fortunately, aside from the big play space, the park also has a shortish network of paths in the woods, so we wandered away before my brain short circuited.

Annnd then I made my dogs pose on stuff.

Which Wootie really likes.

See?

But Tweed can take it or leave it.

Who wants me to stop making dogs pose on stuff?

Excuse me, but I’d like you to stop making me pose on stuff.

Oh GAWD. PLEASE stop making me pose on stuff! I beg of you.

YAY! Thanks, Food Lady!
(you can see the bare patch on her chest I had to shave to take care of that hot spot. It’s healed up very nicely. Hibitane cream is a gift from the heavens.)

When Dexter started single-pawedly trying to demolish the forest

… we headed back to the open field.

I’m just going to take this tree with me.

And then I caught Piper doing something shameful.

GASP! Piper, are you playing DumbBall???

What? No! What?

I was just taking this hockey ball to the, umm, puddle. It’s thirsty. Yeah, that’s it.

Now I’m just going to put it back here under this tree where I found it. Totally innocent. I swear.

Speaking of puddles, guess which two dogs got a feet-and-belly bath when we got home?

So this is what Wootie would look like if I punched him really hard in the face and then washed him in hot water. Interesting. I wonder if that would require thumbs?