Seriously Riddle?
Obviously, Riddle wants to die.
Actually, what Riddle wants is a new home for Christmas. I can’t believe she’s still not been adopted. I show her to everyone who comes into the shelter looking to adopt a dog, and they gaze at her for a moment or two and then say “okay thanks” and they leave. Yet somehow we’ve had multiple applications for Tiny Tony, who is kind of a dick, and has beaten up both Riddle and Spring. He’s done nothing to enamour me of chihuahuas.
Who wouldn’t fall in love with this face?
And before any of ya’ll start bleating on about how I should just keep her too, let me just suggest you talk to my hand, because my ears are not listening! The Food Lady does not require anymore animals. In fact, the Food Lady is divesting herself of some animals post haste.
The first 4 to go are the eatin’ chickens. Now the size of small dinosaurs, or import cars, they are all roosters who’ve been gettin’ their crow on these last few weeks. My tiny rooster considers this a challenge, so the pre-dawn crowing wars have begun.
The problem with the eatin’ chickens is that before one can eat them, one must kill and clean them, because feathers taste bad. While I have no problem killing them, research has led me to understand that cleaning them is a process involving an assload of time and effort, and I am short on time. Fortuitously, my landlord’s mother is here visiting her grandkids over Christmas, and is a long time farm lady. Today she offered to kill and clean them for me, if she could have a couple of them. DONE! SOLD! Whatever. Buh bye chickens … hello stomach!!
If I am home when she does it, I will blog it for you. Maybe I’ll even invite you to dinner!
The next animal to depart Casa de Food Lady is Mr. Orange (pause for collective gasp).
This is the part of the blog where people are flexing their fingers and preparing to blast me for dumping an animal, but seriously – save your typing folks. I am totally at peace with my decision to rehome this cat, mostly because I HATE HIM. I told you recently of some of his antics … the final straw was a couple days ago when he walked over to the large metal pail that is the dogs’ drinking water, turned and looked me in the eye, grabbed the side of the pail with two paws and tipped it over, dumping its contents all over the floor. And it was very nearly full. It took 4 large towels and a mop to clean up the mess. And this was AFTER he’d gone into the cupboard and thrown all my tupperware around the kitchen. I have no idea what this cat’s problem is, but it will no longer be *my* problem too.
A nice old lady came into the shelter the other day and wanted to adopt a one year old orange tabby we’ve got in the cat room. But she is quite a senior lady, and we were reluctant to adopt such a young cat to such an aged person … this is always a tough thing, because it’s not only not nice to tell someone they are too old for the animal they want, but also it’s discriminatory. My coworker told her about Mr. Orange and the woman was sold – turns out she has a soft spot for orange tabbies with crappy attitudes. So tomorrow, Orange gets to go to her house and be an only cat, with his own fenced in backyard and his very own soil bathroom area the woman keeps in her garden for the cats.
It’s like the heavens heard my prayers and answered me with a senior lady named Mary. I don’t know why this doesn’t happen when I ask for the winning lottery numbers, but I’ll take what I can get.
And speaking of taking, and therefore of giving … it is Christmas time, after all, so I think I should give something to one of you.
If any of you would care to caption this photo:
I will pick the funniest caption, and gift that person with a $50.00 coupon to Mr. Chewy, an online pet supplies retailer.
You guys are always giving me stuff – good advice, thoughtful commentary, gifts in the mail even (!), I figure it’s only fair I give something to you in return.
As for me, I’m getting diddly squat for Christmas this year! My parents just left for Hawaii, and my sister and her husband are going to Mexico. It’ll be just me and the hounds this year for the holidays (insert pouty face here).
But it could be worse. Dexter is getting neutered for Christmas (shhh, don’t tell him).
What’s “neutered”?
Thanks to a little payroll screw up at work, wherein my increase didn’t make it onto my cheques for the last 6 months or so, I had a nice chunk of “extra” money on this last paycheque. Combined with the cash I’ve saved up, and the funds some of you have donated, my $800.oo dog can now lay back on the table and let Dr. Bowra open him from stem to stern looking for those pesty little bits.
Are you sure he has testicles? I don’t see any …
And the next animal to go … TWooie!
Say WHAT?
Kidding, I’m kidding! TWooie’s not going anywhere. He and Dex are still not in love, but our new household regime has cut down on a lot of the growly-snarlies, so it’s getting better.
Maybe it’ll be Spring! Although I’ve still not gotten any really good applications for her. But I am pleased to say that today I went out for about 3 hours and left her loose in the house and came home to neither poop nor pee on my floor. That’s a first!
I can’t believe you’re telling the whole world I poop on the floor. What’s WRONG with you??
Could it be that she is finally becoming less anxious? I look forward to the day when I can leave her at home with the other dogs all day when I am work, or maybe go out and have a social life even.
Food Lady is not allowed to have a social life. Don’t even think about it.
*sigh* A girl can always dream, I guess.
Don’t forget the caption contest! I’m looking forward to seeing what ya”ll can come up with :)
Katharine Swan says
I don’t think it’s considered “dumping” an animal when you are finding a better home (as in “more appropriate” — I have no issues with your home) for an animal. I will miss the pictures of Mr. Orange, but it does sound like a better place for him. One old lady who will surely spoil him rotten! He’ll be in heaven!
Jenn says
Ah, the poop present!
My street terrier from the pound has that issue too. I have to remember to potty her in the evening after it gets dark, or the living room looks so much better to her fears. At least I am sympathetic to those fears. Them’s coyotes out there, and they eat 12 pound terrors for breakfast!
And she puts herself to bed in the kennel every night. Only dog locked in, and seems perfectly content to have the impulse control assist from us.
Adrienne says
Agh! You made my heart go flippety flop with the TWooie shot. NOT funny! lol
Hooray for Mr. Orange! I can’t imagine looking for a crabby cat, but yay for you!
“Spring wonders if Dexter’s face is going to come all the way open.”
“Dex-dragon roareth”
Emily says
“And like a goliath from the deep the Grass shark emerges followed closely by the lesser known Grass guppy.”
Lynn says
What’s this? Dexter has been finally learning how to make “Mad Teeth” (c) from Piper?
Lissa says
Spring was learning that summoning a demon from the Depths of Hell is easy- the hard part is knowing what to do with him.
Also, that picture is just the the best.
Carla Munro says
Caption:
“Get back here you little runt”!!!
Mariah says
I’m a longtime reader but first time commenter, who would TOTALLY adopt Riddle in a heartbeat. But while my greyhound would be delighted, my husband would most definitely not, and I’m in TX, and I cannot afford another animal, either in terms of time or $ just now. Thanks for all the good you do, and I’m consoled every time I look at Riddle by the fact that you’ll make sure she goes to an excellent home.
sharon says
my caption: “engage warped drive!”
Robin says
Looks like Spring just told Dex his is about to lose his testicles! Hahaha.
Here’s wishing Mr. Orange a happy life with Mary! Having him out of the house is a Christmas present to you from the universe. As for Christmas here I will be spending it at the shelter doing play groups with dogs.
Monique says
Spring was a huge Twilight fan… until Dexter actually turned into a werewolf!
Nancy Westrell says
Not original to me, but the caption idea I got was Robert Johnson’s famous blues song:
“I got to keep movin’, I’ve got to keep movin’
Blues fallin’ down like hail, blues fallin’ down like hail
Umm-mm-mm-mm, blues fallin’ down like hail, blues fallin’ down like hail
And the day keeps on worrin’ me, there’s a hellhound on my trail
Hellhound on my trail, hellhound on my trail…”
Nancy Westrell says
Er, also, “Hound of the Baskervilles” quote seems to apply:
“They all agreed that it was a huge creature, luminous, ghastly, and spectral. I have cross-examined these men, one of them a hard-headed countryman, one a farrier, and one a moorland farmer, who all tell the same story of this dreadful apparition, exactly corresponding to the hell-hound of the legend. I assure you that there is a reign of terror in the district, and that it is a hardy man who will cross the moor at night.”
Rachel says
I would LOVE to foster Spring, although, according to the hubby, who has voting rights, 2 dogs and a cat (and occasional litters, fosters and friend’s dogs) are the limit. She is a joy and I am hopIng to procure a future place for her here in Kentucky.
The Food Lady says
You crazy lady! I’m not sending Spring to Kentucky! If she goes anywhere, it’s going to be close to home so I can keep tabs on her :)
Of Pit Bulls and Patience says
Congratulations! Mr. O is going somewhere he’ll be happy, and you’ll be sane. Plus Dex is going to be 2 balls lighter? Talk about a good luck streak!
As for a caption:
Dexter: Let’s play T-Rex- I’ll go first- RAAAAAWWWWRRRRRRRR!
pam in oz says
caption “LETS SEE YOU TRY AND TAKE MY TESTICLES!!”
Alison says
Well, now, this is fun – I’ll play.
“Spring dodged frantically as the alien head burst forth from Dexter’s body.”
“Dexter completely lost it when Spring revealed that she was the one who had told Food Lady that he still had testicles.”
“Even though she knew Dexter’s face was only like that because it got stuck when the wind changed, Spring still felt a little uncomfortable playing tag with him.”
Congratulations on rehoming Mr. Orange – and on Dexter’s upcoming…procedure! Riddle is adorable, I will cross my fingers for her perfect home to come up over the holiday season.
Vicky says
Sounds like Mr. Orange is going to a great home.
Caption: I thought Vampires only came out at night.
fostermum says
Oh I enjoy these kind of things!
Here are my entries
1. “So then the director said *I’m giving the part to the Twoo* and you wonder why I’m pissed?”
2. “Are you sure there’s nothing stuck in my teeth? Spinach? The Twoo?”
3. “Listen Kid, no-one but no-one messes with The Dex”.
4. “So then I said *Are you kidding me, this is an amazing clue for JAWS*”
5. “You mean this isn’t what you had in mind when you said *Give me your best FL impression*?
Jennie says
It seems that Spring got an unexpected present of Super Mad Teeth for the holidays.
Manda says
NO WAY SPRING! I’m telling Santa paws what I want first!
Kristi says
For the caption contest:
“Hello, Clarice!”
BRaTPack says
7, 8, 9… Dang it hold still. I can’t count teeth when you move around so much!
Amy says
“I SAID, DON’T PICK ON MY LITTLE SISTER!”
Can you please find a home for my spawn of satan cat too? He makes my life miserable on a daily basis. Sigh.
Cherrie J says
They don’t call me Dexter Morgan for nothing. Now, get. off. my. lawn!
Ok, there is my caption for the picture. Merry Christmas to you and yours, food lady. Thank you for all the smiles.
Cherrie J says
First I was all like this, then the coyotes were all like yike, yike, yike!!!!
um, mystery woman. says
Caption:
‘You will always live in the shadow of MadTeeth Young Spring-a-ling Skywalker.’
Alaska says
Open wider. I STILL can’t see your tonsils….
Shasta says
Great suggestions! I got nothin’, but I LOL’d at “Hello, Clarice.”
Good luck to Mr. Orange. Hopefully both of you will be much happier.
I would take Riddle in a heartbeat as the twin to my Alfie, but alas, two dogs is my max, and I already have a spare.
Congratulations to Dex, I guess?!
Cathy, Che and Jeepers says
Gawd…not another Christmas tie.
Ruth and Gibbs says
Caption:I know I can swallow her whole if I just get my jaws open wider! No one will ever know . . .
Good job, Food Lady! Glad to hear of the room-mate re-assigning. I bet the stress level goes down everywhere.
Good Luck to Dex on his tutoring.
jackie says
If we get a vote I vote for Emily’s “And like a goliath from the deep the Grass shark emerges followed closely by the lesser known Grass guppy.” Made me LOL.
MrsB says
I’m telling you RIGHT NOW – don’t you ever quit writing this blog. It makes my day. And the comments are wonderful I am wondering if Ruth or Gibbs was answering on an iPhone – cause I am sure Dex is doing no tutoring….teehee…
Good luck to Mr. Orange – really – I hope Mary takes good care of him and he learns that good things come when you are nice to folks.
Russel is a cutiepatootie – but I live in Alabama with no fenced yard – hope someone scoops him up soon too.
Patricia, Banny, Liam & Jake says
the quote: “If i have told you once I have told you a million time…leave me alone!”
Merry Christmas to you and your four footers!!!
riosmom says
I am surprised no one has given the obvious though not especially funny “JAWS!”
Merry Christmas, FoodLady – enjoy the day with your pack and the absence of Mr. Orange.
Candace Battles says
My Caption: AH…HEEELLLLL NO! My nads are staying right where they are…thankyouverymuch!
Love your blog…Best wishes to you and the fur kids this holiday season…
Lise says
Ahhh, I love Riddle’s little coat!
And I’m glad Mr. Orange found a new home. You shouldn’t have to live with an animal you hate.
My caption:
Spring: “We’re gonna need a bigger boat.”
hilary says
Caption:
“I’ve got the moves like Jagger”
pam says
‘Tha Hell??????? Joo see the mouth on that thing?????’
Lynne says
I don’t have a caption. I just want to thank you for your wonderful blog, your wonderful photos, and your sense of humor. You deserve a mountain of presents for that but since I can’t do that hopefully a Thank You will do!!! :)
Lynne
Ann says
Good for Mr. Orange. I thought about it, but with 4 cats (& 3 dogs) already I knew in my heart he wasn’t an option. I’m glad he will be well re-homed. (Not “dumped” – re-homed.)
Julie says
“Whaddya mean, chill? I am #@$@#$ chill.”
Kate says
YOU filled out an application for MY Spring?!!!!
Carol says
Cosmetic dentist “after” photo.
Carol says
PMS?!? I don’t have effing PMS, you stinkin’ asshat! (Although I may have PNS – pre-neutering syndrome…)
Ruth and Gibbs says
@MrsB – there’s an ancient Gary Larson cartoon with one dog sitting in a car, looking down at another dog. The dog in the car is saying, “We’re going to the drugstore and the drycleaner, and then I’m going to the vet to get tutored!”
Maybe I’m ancient as well . . .
MrsB says
Ruth and Gibbs – I think remember that cartoon now that you bring it up! I love Gary Larson – so wicked.
My iPad thought is because I so many crazy auto-corrects fro iPad and iPhone texts that are just crazy.
My favorite oldie is a dinosaur driving a cab with an I8NY licence plate..
Thanks for a trip down memory lane!
Carol says
My favorite old-old-old Larsen is the sign on the dumpy building with a dirt pile outside: “Fred’s Fill Dirt and Croissants”. So old that it was before the ubiquitous lattes available at any type of retail, but it foretold that!
Maybe it’s like FL’s shack in the sticks offering up such insightful witticism….
Becky W says
I soooo… wish I didn’t live so far away (Florida), Riddle would be in my lap this instant!! Such a beautiful “holy terrier”. The caption? Not so good at that but maybe “You can’t beat me to that TWooie, Spring! Just stay out of the way.” Love your blog and your pups. Thanks!!